I have so much to say to you at this point in my life. Let me start with two words you’ve only started hearing from me these past few months, thank you.
Thank you for all the kind, thoughtful little gestures since i was little. From always making sure I get the first serving of food whenever we eat to your sweet morning kisses while I’m half-asleep. For your unending words of encouragement. For being the malambing dad. Thank you for singing to us while playing the piano every morning. I hope you know despite us trying to stop you from doing it every morning of the weekend, we appreciate your talent. For all those times you make sure you bring home food after work, those times you wake up so early in the morning to bring me and my sister to school. For all the stories you’ve told that inspired me. For saying yes when no seems to be the easiest and most convenient answer for you.
Thank you for teaching me to always put your family first. Your capability to self-sacrifice leaves me in awe, still. Thank you for the years of hard work and sweat you’ve put in for our family. You keep us afloat, you keep us together.
Thank you for showing me what true love is. I’ve never seen anyone love as much as you do. Thank you for standing by mama, during the toughest time of our lives. Thank you for being strong for the family. Because of that, I’ve learned to uphold the same disposition in life as a whole. Your love has made our family stronger and closer than I’ve ever imagined that despite my moving out, your presence never left me.
Thank you for always standing by my side, like my own cheerleader. The support you’ve been giving me has been tremendous and I cannot thank you enough for that. Thank you for giving me a ride every morning and every night to and from work. I know you’ve had to skip some after-work drinks with your friends for that.
Lastly, thank you for being the happiest grandfather. You now have Marcelo to love and care for. I know mama would always tease you about her doing all the caring when we were little, but I know in my heart you never stopped loving us. I’m so happy you’re a proud lolo now. Thank you for being happy for me and for my family. It’s one of my deepest desires- for you and mama to be happy and content in life.
Happy happy birthday to you!
Daddy’s girl, Cy
3 years into my first job
Here I am again, staring blank at my computer, thinking if I should write yet another slew of worries about my life and where it’s going. But I will not. Let’s park that pessimist in me in the corner for a while.
It’s been a while since I saw myself looking forward to yet another inspiring class by Shorty (or Mr.Joseph Server) back in uni, or dancing my heart out in the studio with my fellow dance mates from CADs. I almost forgot the girl in me who’s always hungry for success, though not to the extent of perfection, in everything that I set my mind and heart into. I miss that Cy whose only dream in life was to do what she truly loved and spread happiness around. I lost pride in myself and the person I’ve become challenge after challenge.
I got lost somehow, somewhere, the moment I stepped out of college.
The best I could do was take everything in with acceptance. But like a season, it just comes and goes, comes and goes. But it never really left for good.
It’s that season again. But instead of whining and letting myself sink in the misery shared by most of my friends and co-workers, I pledged to take a moment and think. Call it a light bulb moment but the answers seemed to have come in a snap of a finger. Like it just hit me.
After going through a year (or a couple!) of self-pity and evaluation, I realized that I am not at my best. Or worse, I am not myself. These are why I kinda lost grip of my core. I want to share with you some other things I realized.
In order for me to be at my best, I should love what I’m doing.
Not everyone’s lucky to have realized his vocation right off the bat. It takes time for some people, myself included, to truly discover what they’re born and made to do. Sometimes, I find myself envious of those who have found it. But then again, timing differs from one person to another. Like you, I have my own unique story to tell. I just have to keep the faith and trust that in God’s time, I will be able to tell the world without any hint of doubt that this is what I want to do and I love doing it. For now, I must trudge on.
Dependent on the first one, another realization is that after knowing what I love to do, everything else will follow.
You’re not alone. It’s not just you who worries about the bills. It’s not just you who worries about getting a promotion. It’s not just you who wants to give value to the world and make it a better place. I bet everyone aspires for those. But then again we go back to what we love to do. What moves us? What inspires us to the core? What makes us and others happy? That’s when we find purpose and realize our value to humanity.
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories.
--Jonathan Gottschall, The Storytelling Animal: How Stories Make Us Human (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)
Happy Three Months!
It’s been 3 months since I gave birth to Marcelo and no words can describe the pure joy that my husband and I share in watching him grow- embracing every tiny wonder as the world begins to unfold before his eyes.
One thing we’re amazed at is how talkative he is. Sure, no actual words uttered, but his coo’s and ahh’s have been a constant since God knows when. Perhaps when he started seeing clearly. I don’t exactly know but this little man shows no sign of shyness or introversion. He likes interacting, he loves playing with his toys with his hands, he enjoys being read to, he giggles when I kiss his toes and the soles of his small feet. He’s just such a joy to watch when he’s in a good mood.
I guess you’re wondering if everything’s perfect with the baby in tow, or if its all sunshine and rainbows. Like any other, motherhood has a good balance of good and bad. Similar with most moms, my baby turns into a colicky little one and cries helplessly… I believe there will always be that moment in every mom’s life. That moment when your baby cries for no reason and you’re just exhausted. You’re lucky if it happens rarely or if your baby’s colic for no more than 5 hours. Not to incite fear but I’ve heard horror stories of mothers whose babies cry for a jaw-dropping 12 hours straight. Yes moms, it’s true.
Here’s my take on it- to moms or soon-to-be moms out there who are worried, relax and let God (or let it be). I guess we just have to live with it and start worrying less. There will always be an end to things, a crying baby is one. What I’ve learned in the process is to completely trust myself in every aspect of being a mother to a child. If you come to think of it, there’s no perfect mother and your colicky baby is not a measure of how good of a mother we are or of how much we love our babies.
I knew this day would come. My husband finally threw in his go-signal for me to look for our son’s new yaya/babysitter.
Our initial plan was for his then yaya, who’s lived w/his family for more than 20 years already, would commute to our place every morning and babysit Marcelo. She goes home either by commute or hitching a ride with my dad. But I guess the highlight of it all is that she’s in her late forties and had a mastectomy (breast removal) because of breast cancer. I know right. Quite scary but we took the risk because I need that person to be trustworthy and loving towards my son (someone who has genuine care and love for our baby) No doubt she’s both. That’s why we got her.
It worked out for a while but we noticed that she’s giving us more and more excuses for Marcelo to be brought to my husband’s parents’ house so that his yaya can take care of him w/her siblings. Having that kind of routine is just too exhausting and stressful not just for Saz and I (who are both working parents) but for our baby. On top of that, we’re putting my son’s life at risk having to bring him to and from their house by car almost every other day. We just have to put an end to it.
So last night, I started talking to friends and my parents, of course, to help me find a babysitter. Lo and behold, my mom called today and said there’s one coming this 10th of the month! The cousin of our labandera from Bicol is looking for a family to work for. How lucky am I? Thank you Lord for an answered prayer. I know for a fact how hard it is to look for one so I’m really hoping she’s THE ONE.
P.S. Hello from my baby Marcelo
Arri Marcelo’s Baptism: October 12, 2013
Thank you to everyone who came and celebrated with us! Although my baby slept through the eating part, I’m sure he was happy to see/hear all of you!
The ceremony was held at Della Strada Parish, Katipunan and lunch followed at The Grove’s function room, which was so nice and spacious! Thanks JC Alelis for accommodating us! Catering was by La Comida, as recommended by one of the godmothers, my best friend, Sab Jose.
Oh, not much of a highlight but it thought it was pretty cool how my son used my husband’s clothes when he was baptized. Glad it fit him!
So today, today, I stand up and salute you the tired, and yet amazing, mom. You, the mom with no sleep. You, the mom who needs encouragement. You, the mom who works and works and works for her family and it feels like no one notices. You, the mom with those three kids under 5 who never gets a break. You, the mom with the newborn who never gets sleep. You, the mom staying up late waiting for the teen to come home. You, the mom. Plain and simple. You, the mom.
Motherhood is a brave journey. It’s always been this brave thing to raise another independent, pushing the limits, melt your heart at night, love them forever even when they drive you crazy, human.
That’s what you’re doing. Even on those tired days.
--Rachel M. Martin from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachel-m-martin/to-the-tired-mom_b_4104515.html